Strong Women and Likable Characters

I was thinking about the fictionalized strong woman, recently. I consider myself to be a fan and supporter of strong women and humbly count myself among their number. I even have a Facebook group dedicated to strong women, so strong women—real and fictional—are near and dear to my heart.


The other day I was watching the movie Leap Year, and didn’t find the lead female to be particularly likable. I thought she was determined and spirited, but did I like her? Having seen it before, I knew by the end she'd be likable. Same with several Meg Ryan characters, notably Kate in Kate & Leopold, or Kate in French Kiss. And even Kristen Bell in When in Rome, Katherine Heigl in The Ugly Truth, or any number of Rom-Coms. Which right there is saying a lot. These strong women characters are so often portrayed in the romantic COMEDIES! (Okay, maybe I just notice it the most in Rom-Coms, when viewers are expected to root for the couple to end up together.)

I was wondering if I'd be able to tell when the gal in Leap Year became likable. What happened in the movie that made her relatable to me as a viewer? I think it was when she was running to make the train, in the rain, and fell down the hill and got covered in mud. This bedraggled woman showed me her humanity. She was torn down to the worst physical representation of a strong woman, and she broke down, but she still pulled herself together and moved forward. That made the respect I felt for her blossom into full-blown admiration, and from there I grew to like her.

Isn’t that what we do as strong women? It isn’t that we’re never down, never afraid, never broken. It’s that we get back up and move forward, often by ourselves, and make whatever has happened work for us. 

I just realized that a common factor in the movies I mentioned is that the women don’t have that bevy of girlfriends they can turn to for help and encouragement. These women are on their own, by their own design, and they deal with life on their own. They fall in love in spite of the men, and they don’t let the fact of that love get in the way of being strong. We like them by the end, and feel like they deserve the love of the man. But is it because of their strength, or their humanity and flaws?

This brings me to another question. Why does the strong woman have to be likable? How many times have you said, “Now there’s a woman I love to hate”? I’ve said that about plenty of male characters, and the actors who portray them. But women? At the moment, I can’t think of many. Mags Bennett in Justified. Cruella DeVille in 101 Dalmatians. I know I run into it more in novels. I like to think I’ve written a couple strong women villains, myself. (Angelisa in Last Second Chance, and Tawnia in the Bonnie Isles Trilogy.) But they're villains, not anti-heroes. Why aren't we expected to like strong women characters in movies and on TV?

I think we’ve been trained for it as a society. This great article by Caroline Siede on BoingBoing.net talks about this training as it relates to female politicians, specifically Hillary Clinton, and I won’t try to say it better than she does, or again, but I strongly recommend reading the article—whether you care about the politics of it or not.

I also challenge you to watch movies and read books while keeping your eyes on the female characters, and try to identify specific characteristics—not just physical traits. If she’s “strong,” what makes her strong? Do you like her? If not, why not? If she’s “weak,” how do you feel about her? Do you like her, or just feel sorry for her? Consciously look for the plot device that's designed to help you come around to liking her. See if you can recognize the manipulation. (Yes, the art of a good storyteller is in manipulation, so I guess I'm asking you to look at the "man behind the curtain.")

I would love it if you came back and engaged in a discussion with me about the likability of strong women. Do you see a disparity in how we look at men vs. women? Should we "get over" the bias against strong women?

In the meantime, I’m going to continue creating strong women characters, and challenge myself not to force them to be likable.

(Full disclosure: Most of the links in this post are Amazon affiliate links, and any purchases you make after clicking through on them will net me a tiny kickback.)

Deep Thought for the Day

In general, I try to avoid getting political on social media. I can do without the drama. But I recently engaged in a thread on facebook that really helped me crystallize something I have thought for years, but never knew how to explain.

The thread was in response to the case of the woman in Texas who died, and everyone agreed that she was dead, but her body was kept functioning to benefit the 14 week fetus she was carrying at the time of her death. The woman’s body was kept functioning for two months before the court ordered that the family could have the machines turned off.

The discussion could be boiled down to this: when is it okay for a baby to die?

I will probably catch some heat for this, but I personally believe the hospital was in the wrong to resuscitate her body, and that they had misinterpreted the new law. I found the situation creepy and horrifying, and I would never want to be put in a position to have to make a decision in a case like this.

My family had to pull the plug on my father and it was awful, but all of us agreed that it was the right thing to do. I don’t think that you can truly know what you would do in that situation until you have stood at a dead person’s bedside. I have been there, and I have no regrets.

But this case involved a fetus. A potential human being. And here’s the thing:

I believe God’s gift of life has more purpose than merely growing up to procreate more life. Animals live to procreate. How are we different if we believe that the only reason we are here is to create more life? If my sole mission in life is to be a parent, and my child’s sole mission in life is to be a parent, and their children’s sole mission.... Humans are unique on Earth because we have the ability and the desire to do more with life than simply procreate.

I believe God’s gift of life, that spark of creation, that existence, teaches us as much if not more about God and His purpose when it is extinguished as when it is allowed to grow, be born, and live its life to old age before it dies.

I don’t believe the death of the fetus or a child robs us of a potential cure for cancer, or a presence who could bring peace to the Earth. I don’t believe it is in God’s plan that every spark should survive. God is not that limited. We will get whatever miracle God has in store for us, regardless of the vessel that finally accomplishes it.

I’m not trying to make it okay when a child dies. I don’t mean to imply that it is okay if someone slaughters children (or any life) wholesale. I am not saying that we shouldn’t be sad, angry, or horrified.

I’m saying that what we feel is the point.

What we learn from the event, what we do about it...that is what makes us human, what makes us distinct from animals.

Holding ourselves accountable for a decision defines our character and directs the course of the rest of our lives. Taking a stand for the things we believe in shapes our psyche, and grows us as spiritual beings. Living our lives with purpose, searching and reaching for God’s plan for us, and doing our best to fulfill that plan, that is what life should be about.

That spark that is extinguished? The greatest tragedy would be for nothing to change because of its brief existence.